Maybe the reason why opposites attract is so that when they break your heart, at least all the things you liked are still yours to do without having their memory attached to them. Because damn it, I want to play minecraft but your stupid track is just there being all, “oh hey, remember who spent 5,000 hours building me?!”
I don’t know why this is so hard for me. I made myself not actually fall for you the first time around, but then I did. I let every single fucking wall to my heart down for you. I didn’t want to admit it I guess because I knew you didn’t feel the same way.
You weren’t a mistake, though. If you were, you’re the best damn mistake I’ve ever made. I still want what we had, and I still want it with you, and that’s why I can’t talk to you right now. I can’t possibly not want more from you.
I can’t help but still feel like we’re going to end up together. Something pulls us together, and eventually we won’t be able to ignore that you know.
But on the bright side, out of all the people I have, probably the least expecting have been there for me. My ex was really good about being there to listen, but it’s awkward because I’m basically telling him I’ve loved someone more than him. He didn’t seem to care though.
Having 3 new community episodes last night seriously cheered me up so much. It’s ridiculous how funny that show is. It was like Community as super Mario world.. What is not to love about that?!
Also, having this separate tumblr has reminded me of how much I really love writing. My absolute favorite part about high school and college was writing papers, especially about history. Why can’t there be classes about cats so I can write essays about the best cat breed? It would be pretty short though, because we all know the best breed is Scottish fold. THE EARS! THE SHORT LEGS!
It really sucks basically seeing someone sit there, wasting away, knowing that their whole life has gone by with barely an ounce of love in it. My dad is a horrible, selfish person, and although our lack of a relationship hasn’t caused any severe issues in my life, I could never forgive him for everything he’s put my mom through. But even after all that, hearing him say I love you brought tears to my eyes, because it’s true. You can be a bad person and still love and care about people, I guess.
I think it’s true, that when you have nothing you still have your family. I couldn’t put a single smile on my face today until I was with them. Even the most broken family knows how to laugh, that’s comforting.
It’s hard.. having so many people in your life but not really any one person. Most of my friends are only around when they’re having relationship problems, and while I’ll always be there for that, it’s not all I want to be. I want to have adventures, I want to fall in love, I want someone to be silly and play video games with, to eat disgustingly good food with and watch Adventure Time. I need the Troy to my Abed. Except I’d be Troy.. because he’s ballin’. Community reference ftw.
I’ve done more growing up this week than I have in my whole life.
Now I’m going to go lose myself in Skyrim for a while.
Hey, here’s this sandwich, it’s really awesome, has everything you like on it, and you know it’s gonna be a party in your mouth.. You haven’t tried it yet, though.
Then there’s this other sandwich, you’ve already tried it before and while it was good, there was a lot of stuff missing and it gave you food poisoning.
But you choose the stupid old sandwich instead, because.. I don’t even know why. Because your stomach wants to die in pain again? You deserve a tasty fuckin’ sandwich bro. Stop being afraid of enjoying something more than the previous one. People change, they move on.. but you can only do that when you make yourself. I know you too fucking well now.. You’re always going to want more. You had more, and you let it go away. You’re an idiot. I know one day you’ll realize it, and I hope the delicious sandwich hasn’t expired by then.
Yes, I just used a sandwich analogy to try and make sense of this. It still doesn’t.